As William gets older there are days when I think, “Wow, this little kid really seems to be getting a handle on his food allergies. Thank the heavens!” And then there are days like today. 🙁 William is only just four and it is very unrealistic of me to think he should have a grip on this food issue, yet he can seem so mature about it sometimes that I think I must be the one who is overreacting or blowing it way out of proportion. And then there are days like today…
How about big sis Emily? Sometimes she makes me very proud of the way she is so careful around her little bro, careful to not eat a food he can’t have, at least not where he can see it. And then there are days like today. 🙁 Usually Emily is the one I trust to make sure that other kids are not careless with their snacks if William is around, cause after all, it’s not his fault he can’t have the same thing they are having. And then there are days like today..
Family outings can be stressful, but with the food allergy thing we are always so careful, so aware. And then there are days like today. We know better to say no to requests to go to Dairy Queen or to stop at some random “treat” place because it will reduce the stress and the heartache of having to say no. And let’s be honest, it is a pain to scour a menu or the Nutritional Content / Allergens label in the hopes that something is safe. And then there are days like today..
And me, his mama, always reading and rereading labels, always making sure William is not put on the spot or made to feel left out because he can’t eat like everyone else. Me, the one who lies awake at night thinking about how he will manage at school, where I have so much less control over what he eats. Me, the mother who makes sure his bag goes everywhere with him, even if it is just to the park around the corner, so that his meds are always right there, just in case. Me, the sap that cries when we take William for his allergy tests or at every story I read in Allergic Living. And then there are days like today..
Today started out great. We had a few errands to run, which we did as a family, spent some time at a new park and then decided to get a bite before heading off to a family obligation. This is where it all started to go downhill. William, the one who is allergic to eggs, peanuts and tree nuts, was sleeping in the car and the request was made to go to Dairy Queen. I have learned that DQ will sanitize their ice cream machine if you request it, so that the ice cream has not touched any other contaminant. This is a best effort type thing, but of course they can not guarantee other allergens aren’t floating around. It has been so hot out lately and today was no exception. Since William was asleep I let my guard down and said yes to DQ. BIG mistake. 🙁
Of course William woke up, but we decided to try it and so after questioning the staff we ordered him the kid size plain ice cream. I guess the next BIG mistake was ordering the “fancy” stuff for the rest of us. You know the dipped cone, the sundae, the DQ Blizzard. Most definitely NOT just plain ice cream. As his mama, what the hell was I thinking? How could I not anticipate that my four year old son would not want just plain ice cream, but would rather something like everyone else? How insensitive, right? Don’t fret, I am still kicking myself for that BIG mistake. The next thing we know William, that mature little man, is crying that he was not eating the plain ice cream, he wanted something else, that it wasn’t fair. Everyone was watching us and I swear you could hear a pin drop. I felt horrible on so many levels. I didn’t really care that others were staring at us, but I could not believe I had let my son down like this. Hadn’t I vowed not to have stuff in front of him that he couldn’t have? Shouldn’t that vow include fancy ice cream to?
We sat in the car after that and the chaos continued. Everyone was upset and embarrassed, but I have to admit I was surprised by the intensity of the reactions. Emily was crying because “William ruined everything”, Doug was upset that William did not want to eat his ice cream, William was not yet able to get a grip on his emotions and I just wanted to cry. I felt so sorry for William and was upset with Emily. We all had ice cream, definitely a happy food and yet no one was happy. What went wrong?
Fast forward to later and things smoothed out. Ice cream was dropped, crying ensued, clothes were dripped on, but the ice cream was eaten. And smiling faces reappeared. But how on earth did I let this happen? I feel like I let my son and daughter down today even though I was trying to make them happy.
If you care to share tell me, as a parent how do you meet the different needs of your children and still make everyone happy, still keep that family unity strong?
Thanks for letting me vent.
FT&PD
Suz
Hi Suzanne, it will always be, good days and bad. It takes a lot of effort, but now that the bad experience has past, try and think the best of your times. Pleasing everyone, young or old, never seems to work out. So you do the best you can and if possible take a deep breath and a step back, tomorrow is another day. Things may not seem so earth shattering in the morning.
Love you Dad
Thanks Dad 🙂 It was all better by the afternoon, at least for the kids. I am the one who carries it around with me. I still feel rotten about the whole thing, but I am not letting the kids know that. Thanks for your words of wisdom. Love you both ♥
Suz
Well, of course, Suzanne, you need ten lashes with a wet noodle! 🙂 Seriously, it must have been heart breaking for you and everyone else. Poor little William and that nasty allergy. I was almost getting teary eyed myself imaging a little boy who just wanted something fancy on his ice-cream. But I think your father’s advice is worth keeping in mind, Suzanne. It won’t seem like such a bad experience tomorrow! Enjoy the rest of this day, Suzanne! 🙂
Thanks Gem, ya it was rough. It was such an emotionally charged event and it still bothers me, but we have to move on from here 🙁 There are so many other challenges to worry about. Thanks for stopping by. Love you both ♥
Suz
Hey Suzanne! I think as parents we all have those days where we do something that we regret almost the instant it happens. It’s hard not to beat yourself up about it, but think of it as a learning experience for everyone. I remember giving Sarah a hard time about falling and hurting her ankle, as she hobbled around and made her Dad carry her to bed. I figured she’d forget about it in the morning. Nope she still wouldn’t walk on it. Not broken but badly sprained. I hope today was better!
Thanks for sharing your story Michelle, it does help to know we are not alone. And I have definitely learned from this one! The weekend did get better and of course the kids forgot all about it, LOL. Now I have to learn to do that 🙁 Thanks for stopping by Michelle, I really appreciate it ♥
Suz
Try not to worry too much, and remember that your son still loves you. You kept him safe, even if he was unhappy. It’s hard for little ones, but others say it gets easier for them as they get older. I hope this is true for your William and my little guy who will be 4 in July.
Thank you Rachel 🙂 I pray it does get easier for them both, but fear that if this is what happens when it is just family around, what will it be like when it is school mates and their fancy treats at lunch? I know he will be okay, but my heart breaks a little each time I see his disappointment 🙁 Prayers for our little men ♥
Suz
Don’t be hard on yourself. You do deserve ice cream too. And even though we are moms, we are humans. It’s so hard to say no to our kids and ourselves! But don’t worry too much about him being different. My mom said that my being different in elementary, though difficult on me, made me not need to follow the crowd. So it was much easier for me to resist peer pressure and not do drugs or other dangerous things come later years. It breaks the mother’s heart to see those tears but in the long run, it will make your son stronger and give him the strength to be himself no matter what. There is no greater gift you can give him than self-confidence. Big hugs!!!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words Esther, I a really appreciate it 🙂 We have been doing better with this allergy thing, a little bit more each day and for that I am grateful. My son is actually pretty good at accepting things, but the ice cream was too much 🙁 But you are right that it does make them stronger, helps them to overcome in the long run. I see it a bit more each day in him. Thanks again for stopping by and having a look around. ♥
Suz
I have to say Suzanne, no matter what you do or how careful you are you as a mother will always think you’ve done something wrong because let me say this again You’re a Mother and on top of that here’s something even more obvious You’re a Woman and everyone knows that there’s no one harder on a woman than themselves.