The opinions expressed below are strictly my own.
My daughter belongs to a local chapter of the Girl Guides of Canada. This is a great organization and we are lucky to have energetic and caring leaders who volunteer their time. Coming up is the Girl Guides first camp out of the season and it is a doozy. You see only actual Girl Guides get to camp outside. When you are a Brownie or Spark you can go to camp, but they sleep inside. One of the big differences, besides tents is the bathroom facilities. Think outhouses here folks 🙁 This is not my daughter’s favorite part, but she tolerates it to be with her friends. 🙂
Now my issue is not camp, not at all. Of all the activities Emily could be participating in Girl Guides gives her a bit of everything an after school type program should. First and foremost they have fun. They learn to work on certain skills to earn badges and can do so as a group and on their own. They learn to listen and follow instructions. They learn about teamwork and being leaders. They learn what it means to fundraise, for the unit and for their community. They explore new things, exercise in non traditional ways like hikes through the woods or around the neighborhood or playing games, not sports, like tag, Flag Retreat etc… I think if you have to choose an activity for your child, Girl Guides, Scouts or something of that nature, is the right choice.
Now, my original issue when starting this little rant was not about Guides. It was actually brought on by a parent at Guides. There is a new crop of “First Years” in Guides this fall and this will be their first time camping outside. When I asked one little lady, whose parents I am friendly-ish with, if she was excited for camp her dad answered yes. He then went on to say it was extra special because, unlike most of the camp weekends prior ( in Brownies and Sparks) this little lady had permission from not only her skating coach, but her swimming and dance coaches to attend this time! I was like WTF?? Doesn’t permission come from the parents? And how many things is this nine year old in anyway?
I did sort of know this was the deal, but since I am not close with the family it wasn’t on my radar. Plus last year this little lady was still in Brownies whilst Emily had moved on to Guides. Upon further questioning I confirmed what the dad had said: his 9 year old daughter was allowed to attend GG camp, just two nights long with a noon pick up on the Sunday because not one, not two, but three of her extra curricular coaches said yes. Really? Three of them? Yup, three of them.
So here is my beef. How much is too much? We have seven days a week and in most cases these kids are in school for five of those days for about seven hours. Mom and Dad are working during those five days, with commutes, maybe about ten hours. Factor in sleep, things like chores, homework, shopping for food and that leaves precious little time to spend with your kids, your spouse, just being a family. Maybe throw in some rest in there to do some regenerating. I know my four year old needs to regenerate especially now that he is in school full days.
How does one put their nine year old in four extra activities and expect them to not only do well at them and actually enjoy them, but also do well at school? Maybe have a sleepover at a girlfriends? Or attend a birthday party for a school chum? I am dumbfounded with the amount of things this kid has to do every day. I say “has to” because her parents control the purse strings and ultimately make the final decision. I know this particular little lady has these four activities, two of which require a two or three day per week commitment. On top of that there are recitals to practise for and shows to have fittings for. She often has more then one activity in the same day! Holy crap, when does she get to be a kid and just have fun?!
I know some people are going to say that maybe this is her idea of fun and I don’t doubt this is true, but think about it. What child turns down the opportunity to dress in fancy costumes and preform for adoring fans, especially if it is being offered freely? I know that Emily would love to be doing so many more things then she already does, but we cap it at two nights per seven day week and that is it. Yes, money is a reason, but so is her health and my peace of mind. There are other ways to challenge your children right from home. Read together, sing and put on little shows together. One of my most favorite parts of family week in the summer is when Emily, William and their cousins put on a show for their parents and grandparents. It is the highlight of our week and doesn’t cost a cent. Not too mention, we don’t make them do it, they want to.
How much do you think is too much?
FT&PD
Suz
We always capped the kids at one program plus swimming, especially when my daughter was in competitive dancing. You’re right, if a child really loves the activity, they love to go, but there are more factors at play than ‘if they love it’-time, finances, education. I’m not a believer in overprogramming kids. They need downtime to just play. Having said that, she may need to take gymnastics for her skating competitions.
I do recall Mara, back when this little lady was sharing the same Brownie unit as my Emily that she had something every night. Even on Brownie night she would be ten to fifteen minutes late because of her skating lesson. Really? If they are overlapping on the same night ( and the kid was no more then 8 at the time, maybe even 7) I think that should be the sign she is doing too much. I think taking a sport, be it dance, swimming, soccer, skating etc and working at it multiple times a week is fine, if balanced with everything else. But kids can only do so much. They need time to be kids..
Thanks for stopping by Mara!
Suz
Suzanne, this is something that my Hubby and I have struggled with many times throughout our years of parenting. Our initial rules were similar as yours and DS had swimming and hockey or soccer once each week. This schedule worked well for him and for us.
Then came DD. She was born driven and it was apparent from her first dance class that there was something special there. We later had to make some decisions…does she keep up skating lessons (for which she also had a natural aptitude), or swimming lessons to go along with dance? We wanted DD to have lots of down time and I am a big advocate of “free play”, which when we were growing up was just “play”! DD wanted little to do with her down time and would simply practice her dance lessons repeatedly. When DD realized that you could dance and Compete by being on the Competitive team she was hooked. We made her wait until she was 9 and then we became one of “those” parents. We still try to find balance for her, but she is now almost 14 and loves dancing more than anything else. This is the girl who waits by the door with her dance bag an hour before it is time to leave for the studio asking me if we can leave yet, even though she has 10-14 hours each week of dancing.
Do I like that she is physically active and is a teenager that knows where she belongs? Yes. Do I think she has balance in her life. Not the balance that I would prefer…but in her eyes she has a balance of life. She has school time, dance time, family time and friend time. (dance friends that is). I realize that my situation is different from the families who have multiple activities each week, but my DH and I constantly struggle to make the most of our time together as a family. DS leaves for University next year and each activity we do together is now cherished more than ever. It may not work for some families, but we have made it work for ours.
Thanks for commenting Mary Beth. If I am reading this right Katie takes dance and maybe skating too? I think if you have the means to take the more advanced type of classes ( like a private club vs the city run programs) and your child is happy with it and works hard, great! Even two programs you can achieve a balance at. I just can’t see how four, possibly five different actives for a nine year old are healthy. This poor thing always looks tired, never smiles. I recall last year, actually it was two years ago, when Emily and this little lady shared a Brownie unit the little one, about 7, no more then 8 at the time, would always be a bit late to Brownies because she was coming from skating. I always thought that if the skating is the priority here then why do the Brownies? She only attends one function outside Brownies ( and now Guides) because of her other commitments ( like camp ). I just don’t see how this is beneficial to a child who is so busy she can’t even make friends. There has too be a balance. Maybe her parents feel she is balanced, but I have a hard time seeing that when you are constantly rushing from one activity to another. I think someone’s parent is living vicariously here, LOL…
When I see kids like your Katie who are passionate about something and they continue to excel and grow from it, wonderful! She has found her niche, her calling. But if you have four or five “passions” how can you pick one, or even two, to be that special activity?
As always Mary Beth I appreciate you sharing your insight with us. Thank you for that support 🙂 (Hopefully before too long we will have that meet up??)
Suz
When Katie decided to start competitive dancing we phased skating out. She only has dance now as we knew that there would be a greater time commitment as a competitive dancer. She takes swimming lessons during the off season. I think you are right about some parents “living vicariously”. I also think some people just have a hard time saying “no” to their kids. I still think Katie doesn’t have enough “free” time, but it’s a hard balance to find. She lives to dance and I need to sometimes let go more. (easier said than done!) It is a constant worry that I have…
(I’m really hoping we can do our meet up soon!)
I think that sounds like a great balance right there Mary Beth! Katie is making her passion work for her and is committed. While it means working at it quite a bit, she is focused. That type of dedication and drive will serve her well down the road.
Suz
Interesting thoughts. I think this is the kind of thing that differs for each family. I have friends who are all over the spectrum, from no organized activities to booked every night of the week. My girls are teens now, so all I can say is what worked for us. We were somewhere in the middle, with no hard and fast rules. When it felt like too much, we cut back. Probably averaged about 2 activities at a time. And we kept the summers really free, with lots of unscheduled time. I guess everyone has to feel their way through this. All I can say is that no matter now hard you try, life just keeps getting busier and busier as they get older, so I do treasure the old days of just hanging out together and having “free” fun.
Very true Dani, no two families will be the same and yes, they have to find the balance that works for them. I think as children get older, find out what they truly enjoy doing, then you will see more commitment, more practicing etc, but it is hard to fathom throwing so many things at a seven, eight, nine year old that they start to interfere with each other. I hope this little lady gets to enjoy the free time and have fun with her family to.
Thanks for stopping by Dani, I appreciate it!
Suz
My son plays basketball, hockey, volleyball, runs track and field. He’s driven and motivated, but getting good grades is a part of it. If he doesn’t maintain his average then he doesn’t play, we have all the coaches and volunteers on board for this. Our youngest is just getting into cooking and swimming. DH is the only one who drives so sometimes he’s one place and I’m another bussing it or making it work. My DH has brain injury, my youngest special needs and to top all this off I run a blog like you, do web design for clients and so on. I think the key is balance and knowing when to say no. We make time for each other when we can and our kids get date night with us where no activities are present. Some families this works others it’s too much. I think you have to decide for yourself.
You definitely have to decide for your own family Jodi, I can totally appreciate that. I have two kiddos, one ten and the other four. I work outside the home full time and my husband works an opposite shift to mine so weekends are our family time. During the week the max I can handle is two activities per child and even then I try to make them at the same time. For example, when Emily is at Guides, after I drop her off my son and I scoot to the pool for his lesson, then head back to get Emily. Kind of hectic, but it is the only way to avoid taking up another night. With our family schedule I need to ensure we have a couple “off” nights for the kids to center themselves, prepare for school, maybe do some chores, read together etc. Admittedly I try to get some me time in there with my beloved blog as well ♥ but that often has to wait until after bedtime. Can I ask you how old your oldest son is? I am just curious at what age they start to handle “more”. I am sure it varies for everyone, but it would be interesting to see at what age kids are handling a full plate.
Thanks for stopping by Jodi, I appreciate it!
Suz
It does get a little crazy. I love that there are so many activities and choices for kids, but, do think it is important to find a balance. Kids need to be kids first.
Pam I think the choices are amazing now a days! And I love that my kids, six years apart in age, can both take the same type of program in the same place and same time, but be at their own level. This gives them an opportunity to try difference things each year until they find their niche..
Thanks for stopping by Pam
Suz
With my three boys in hockey, I couldn’t even imagine doing any more than just that! Not only did I run three nights a week to practices, I also had each of their games and tournaments which consumed the weekends. I always supported their love for hockey, as they got older they had other things they wanted to do so they stayed in recreational hockey. Yay! My little girl only take gymnastics, she is 5 and that’s plenty with full day kindergarten. I want to cuddle on the couch and read with her, maybe sit and watch a movie with her, not run every evening. You make a great point. They need to be kids too!
Thank you Dawn. 🙂 I know that every family takes a different approach to raising children, having quality time and that changes as the kids grow. I just don’t want to look back in ten, twenty years and fear that we both missed out. Some of my fondest memories are of watching The Dukes of Hazzard on Friday night with my sister and my dad, going for walks with my mom, bike riding with my dad or even shopping with my mom. Sometimes this was one on one and sometimes as a family, but those were some quality times ♥
Thanks for stopping by Dawn!
Suz
I love that there are so many activities and choices for kids and thats important,but sometimes kids just ned to be kids!
A lot of Interesting thoughts,my grandkids are in Brownies and Guides and i find if they are run by good Leaders all run.The only sport we signed up for this summer is Soccer
I believe there needs to be a balance. Kids need time to just BE… if their whole life is scheduled, where do they have a moment to BREATHE?? – it’s amazing what can come out of unscheduled time. Spontaneity – a sense of freedom and room for imagination and creativity! 🙂