I love to look at a beautifully designed flowerbed or a well landscaped backyard, don’t you? It always amazes me when someone knows the right flowers to mix together, with the tall ones at the back and the shorter ones in the front. Or how they know the time of the year they will start to bloom so that there are no gaps in the garden throughout the season. No gardening fails in this picture, right? I have never claimed to be a gardener, but I do appreciate the hard work that goes into being one. My problem is I have a black thumb, not a green one. Know what I mean? I kill plants, it’s that simple.
Now, you may be thinking I am not trying hard enough to make a garden work, or maybe I haven’t stuck with it long enough. Well, neither is the case, although my husband may disagree. When we first bought our home, years ago, I had plans to make the front garden be the talk of the street and the backyard, well let’s just say it was going to be worthy of Better Homes and Gardens. Unfortunately, this did not happen.
Now before we all go assuming I just couldn’t be bothered let me share a little story. That is what you came for, right? Here goes; the first year we moved into our home a whole bunch of new sod was laid. Our backyard is huge, which meant a lot of sod. The problem was that the delivery was made when no-one was at home. We came home, many hours later, to this lush green sod after it had been sitting in the hot summer sun ALL DAY LONG without water. None whatsoever. It was heartbreaking, but we tried in vain to save it. We soaked that sod for as long as we could, gave it breaks, but we could never bring it back to life. This was the start of our gardening fails.
The next tragedy happened later the next year. We tried to plant climbing vines, Clematis I believe, so that they would grow and cover the ugly, brown metal fence that was at the very back of our yard. This part was up on a little hill (great for tobogganing in the winter) and should have been perfect for the long row of vines to grow and bloom. We did not count on the soil being the hardest soil we have ever come across. The ground felt like it was made of cement and we kept digging up these little treasures from when the house was first built. Rusty nails, pop cans and other tools of the construction trade. We were sore and filthy after trying for hours to create the perfect hilltop garden and had little to show for it. Bags and bags of soil were added to the area so the Clematis had a chance and we carted water up there everyday. But the ground was just too hard for these poor plants to grow.
See? Perfect for the sleds. not so much for plants..
I could share more gardening horror stories with you, like the time I had to dig up about twenty feet of soaking wet moldy Impatiens. They actually made the front of the house look great all summer, until the sudden early freeze in September that had them all changing to an oozing, gooey mess. I never planted those puppies again.
The one thing that all our attempts at gardening had in common, other than failure, was the blood, sweat and tears we put into it. Oh and the mess too. You want to talk about being dirty? After the circus of trying to get our sod to stay alive we were quite literally green from head to toe and after the Year Of The Clematis That Never Was I had to throw out several pairs of shorts and some tops. And those Impatiens? Let’s just say that purple will never, ever be my favourite colour.
In the interest of being an informative blogger it is my duty to share what I think we should all do in situations like this. Hire a professional gardener, if you have the means and if you don’t, get some patio stones to put down. You may also want to use this as a chance to get closer to your partner by giving each other a massage using Rub A-535. The Maximum Strength Heating Cream is amazing and will have your sore muscles feeling better in no time. I have used it many times for my knees and the relief is fast and wonderful. Lastly, if you can not hire a maid to do the clean up then start using OxiClean™ Laundry Detergent. This stuff will blast the soil and sod stains right out of your favourite pair of shorts and leave your crisp summer tees as bright as they were when you first bought them.
I hope that despite my nasty gardening experiences your Spring and Summer will give you lots of chances to plant something beautiful and actually enjoy doing it. Me? Well I am off to buy some more patio stones…
FT&PD
Suz
Disclosure: I am a 2015 Church & Dwight Ambassador. I am sure they are much better gardeners than I.
Ha I hear you! I have had a few gardening disasters of my own. I remember once laying sod, and waking up the next morning to find it all pulled up. We fixed it only to find the same thing the next morning. It was racoons – they were digging it up every night. We kept fighting it out every night, and the sod soon looked like a disaster. It eventually grew, but it wasn’t pretty
Oh man, that would have totally killed any desire I had to plant again. We’d be pouring concrete, LOL.
Another thing we share in common Suzanne!! I have always had a Black thumb, but this year I decided to try growing tomatoes from seeds. I planted them Easter weekend in little peat pots and they are still less than 2″ high. (those that have survived that is… LOL)
That is a such a great endeavor Mary Beth, good for you! I hope they are turning out well now..
I hear ya, I am the same way. black thumb all the way. I’m no better with indoor plants either, I kill them all!
LOL Jennifer, yup, I do not discriminate. Indoor and out, they all die!
I’m normally a green thumb in the garden, but work has kept me so busy that I’m having a hard time keeping up with my gardening! My flower garden, that is! Our fruit and vegetable gardens are more a priority on our farm, but I would love for my flower gardens to be a place of bliss and tranquility for me! LOL!
I think it is wonderful that you have such a love for growing you own veggies and fruit Christine! Your daughter is learning so many great skills
We just planted our first garden at our new house…..hoping things survive. Our flowers are looking a little sad as of now. Not sure if it was the transition from pot to garden, or the terrible weather. The veggies are doing really well….loved teaching my girl about planting and growing food. Fingers crossed all turns out well.
It sounds great Laurie, I hope everything worked out perfectly!
After many years of gardening everything under the sun at our 25×50 foot community garden plot, we gave it up last summer. It was so hard to give up at first but this summer I can say it was the best possible choice for us. Gardening is HARD work and we were starting to slack on our work – I’m glad someone else is using our plot now!
I totally love the idea of a community plot Vanessa and it sounds like you gave it your all. Time to relax
What a shame, all that hard work for nothing in the end. I have a north facing garden, most of which will be lawn but I’d love to have Clematis etc but unfortunately there’s never any sun where they would be – then of course there’s the problem of the deep frost and I have no idea what would survive our winters here in Alberta.
It’s these decisions that frazzle me Elizabeth. At least you have put some thought into it..
I’m also a poor gardener with a very weedy garden. We planted carrots last year that grew only to the length of butted out cigarettes. We planted a rose bush that never blossomed, a blueberry bush that somehow vanished (well, it was swallowed up by the weeds), and it’s likely that the thimbleberries that we planted last year will never “bear fruit”.
LOL Jenna, now I do not feel bad at all
Gardening is not for the week hearted. It ain’t easy and I’ve had a bunch of gardening fails but I keep on trying.
That’s what is important and I do enjoy myself when I garden.
It is nice when the end result is even close to what you had hoped for as well
When i was younger and healthier i started a garden and it worked real well till i couldnt get out there anymore and Mother Nature took over and well it died off.This year i have planted Butternut Squash and tomatoes right on the deck where i can get to take care of it…..wish me luck fr a good harvest come Fall
My Butternut squash was such a flop this year,they flowered but no produce