Around the time when a woman turns forty ( yup, saying it out loud folks) things start to change and I am not talking about the weather. The hands on our internal clocks fall off, hormones start to act like we are sixteen again and all hell breaks loose in the reproductive system. Many of us start sweating at all hours. It’s like living in a perpetual steam bath. Moods change on a dime ( well truthfully that’s not new 🙂 ), our carefully coiffed coiffure takes up residence in our brushes and combs and sometimes our B’s, C’s and double D’s become A’s, B’s and C’s. This wonderful time in a woman’s life is called perimenopause or menopause.
Now don’t start freaking out. It doesn’t happen the moment you blow out the small brush fire waiting to happen on your 40th birthday cake. For some it might start a bit before then, like moi and for others it may not start for several years. Count your blessings if you are in the latter group. Some ladies regard the presence of menopause as a wonderful thing because it means some, ah, inconveniences are about to start disappearing. For others it is a sad reminder that they are getting older. Regardless of your viewpoint “The Change” as it is often called, is pretty much inevitable.
Ya gotta love the accuracy of this. Props to whoever created it!
“The Change” comes with some baggage. Some of it is that storage locker full of emotional baggage. (Not my favorite by a long shot. I am tired of crying at commercials for diapers and cat food.) More often then not that baggage comes in the form of medical exams, blood work and a new regime of vitamins and herbal supplements. Woo hoo, party time. Recently I had my first of one of those things. Dun, dun dahh…my first Mammogram. It was totally routine, a suggestion, well actually a demand of my family doctor, to have it done.
Now I have heard the horror stories just like everyone else about how painful they are and how embarrassing it is so I was a little nervous when I signed in at the hospital. They took me right away thankfully, so I did not have time to dwell. Humour has always been my defense mechanism though so I was ready to share that with the tech who did my Mammogram. I must give props to my hubby Doug who insists that I am borrowing his sense of humour in these situations. I guess he is a little bit funny. I must admit that he was at the top of his game during his recent stomach ultrasound when he asked the tech if she could hear the baby’s heartbeat. But I digress…
When I entered the exam room I was surprised to see there was no changing room or gown laid out for me. I was even more surprised when the tech told me to just “take off your shirt and bra and stand there!” She was not amused when I told her I usually get dinner and a movie first. That was when I knew she would be a tough nut to crack. When the exam started I was again surprised when the tech told me “hands off” as she would be positioning my breast. Talk about weird! When I asked for a cloth because I was a little sweaty she asked me why! Umm, hello? Strangers’ hands on my girls and you wonder why I am sweating? She gave me the cloth. 🙂
During the exam I had my iPhone in my pocket, ready to take a selfie. Hey, I am a blogger and must be prepared at all times, right? However, I had not factored in the positions I would be forced into so a true selfie was out. Probably a good thing anyway. This is after all a family friendly blog. The photos would have to wait.
I was not prepared for the number of pictures that were taken, but was pleasantly surprised (not in a weird way either) that they did not really hurt. I have since been told that this is often due to size. For example the various trays that are used to squash your breasts for the pictures are in different sizes. Imagine a small, medium, large type scenario and you will get what I mean. Well, the tech had the extra large tray out for me… As I told my daughter when she asked, “Larger breasts cushion the pushin’” of the mammogram machine thing..
As the last set of pictures were being taken the tech, who had started to warm up to me, asked if my girls were two different sizes! I laughed and said, ” Well, one is closer to my kneecaps then the other. Does that count?” She said it did. A moment later I was told to get dressed and that is when I turned the camera back on my phone. I made the fatal mistake of asking if I could take the tech’s photo with the equipment. I think she thought I meant with her in the machine a la mammogram style. I quickly explained it was for my blog and she shut me down. So, I just quietly snapped photos with the flash off. The end results are not great, but they got the job done.
As I left the exam room the tech said she had fun with me and hoped I did too! I guess I was rubbing off on her. So my first mammogram is done and the memories were made. Despite the entertainment value of the experience I hope I do not have to repeat that for awhile…
FT&PD
Suz
You did a fabulous job Suzanne!! You sure know how to brighten up any occasion, even a mammogram. Maybe I can bring you along when I go for the first time. I’ll need your humor with me!
Thanks Christine! I am available afternoons and every other Friday 🙂
Well done Suzanne! Glad to hear that the first one is done and now the next time ( 2 yrs at least) won’t be bad at all. A sense of humor can get you through a lot of things.
Thanks Mom, yup we gotta keep on laughing 🙂
They really aren’t so bad once you get past being half naked with a stranger. I love your humour.
LOL, very true Lisa and thank you 🙂 As long as I was in control of the camera, it’s all good 🙂
You would think that the more you have the easier they might get, NOT! Hurts like heck every time. My tolerance for pain has expanded but sometimes it just hurts
Very true Darlene, everyone’s pain tolerance will be different. I am just glad it was not as bad as I expected..
Glad to hear your ‘girls’ survived the exam and didn’t have to be scraped up/off with a spatula! Haven’t had to endure that procedure yet. Phew! But at least I’ll know what to expect!! Thanks for sharing!!
LOL, thanks Brenda 🙂 I was a little worried a scraper might be needed, but in the end us girls were okay 🙂
I was laughing all through this post…you are so funny! I had my first mammogram a few years ago and it really isn’t as bad an experience as I was lead to believe. Honestly, though, no gown…I feel that is inappropriate and would have been super uncomfortable and most likely sweating also!
Thanks Monica 🙂 Ya, the no gown part kind of through me 🙁
Mammograms are so so so sooooo important! Good for you for spreading the word. It must be a Mammoragram tech thing, I was snapped at and said I never needed one when I went (when my doctor referred me) two years ago. I was 24, but they found a lump. I was snapped at, said I didn’t need one and had an ultrasound instead. It was a little intimidating, it’s not like I was the one who booked it 😉
That is terrible Randa! It is treatment like that which prevents people from going to these appointments in the first place. I hope it all turned out okay..
Good for you that you did it. I am dreading the time I have to do it..
Trust me, it was not as bad as we all think it will be. Not as great as a trip to Disney World, but not as bad as we think 🙂
I have not had one yet and well dread the time I will lol! Thanks for sharing your experience with other 40 something women. I will remember to use humour on that day:)
It helps Lyne, believe me 🙂
You did it! I am dreading the first mammogram and I am only a few years away.
I am just glad to have it over with Maggie, but you can put it out of your mind for awhile..
I was so scared my first time, but it wasn’t as painful as I had imagined, uncomfortable yes, but painful, not really
So true, the hype makes us more nervous then we need to be..
I have just talked about this with my friend. Somebody told me that a mammogram exam hurts. I’m turning 40 in a few years. Hopefully, I get a technician with some sense of humor.
It really was not as bad as I anticipated. The lady was super nice and it was over really fast..
lol. You caught me with your humor! Nice writing style! 🙂
🙂 Thank you!
awww awesome article and presenting style good Post
THank you!
I was never knowing about this. You have done a great job. I am loving the way you have described this.
Thank you!
some clinics and hospitals are not allowing their patient to take photos especially here in middle east. wishing you good health.
Yes, the no photo rule is to protective people’s privacy. Thanks for the good wishes!
I love how humorous you made a mammogram session! I always enjoy reading your stories! Keep it up! 😀
Thank you Jason, that is kind of you to say 🙂
I don’t intend to go for a mammograph if I can help! over 40 and thank you I feel great, no medicine needed thanks to doing chikung 🙂 and eating healthy, organic food.
I wish you all the luck and success with that Erzsebet! Here’s to good health!
Hahahha! that was awkward.. and hilarious encounter at the same time.
That it was 🙂
hahaha this was so funny! i actually saved the picture of the seven dwarves for future reference, and to show my future husband, in case i started showing off signs!
LOL, good for you Yan and thank you 🙂
Job well done. Did you take selfies all the time? 😀
LOL, thanks Joren. I rarely take a selfie unless it will be good for my blog, LOL 🙂
It was nice that you were able to get past the mammogram session and with a selfie to boot.
LOL, thank you 🙂
The humor in it, in fact, it’s better to have this test for women.
Very true Fernando…
You and your hubby are both funny and humorous! I also experienced the same thing when I hit the big Four-Oh. I was a bit nervous not of the exam but of the chance the results are not favorable. Extremely thankful that mammogram showed nothing so now I wouldn’t mind doing it all the time as long as it’s negative!
Thank you Karen, we try to keep things light around here 🙂 Here’s to continued good health!
I’ll be sure to pass this on to my mom. She has a pap screen done every year as well.
Thanks for sharing Phylicia and all the best to you and your mom!
You got me at “psyho”…I’ m nearing forty as well and I know the feeling. However, I want to commend you for such an informative post.
Thank you Joy. It is something we need to do, that’s for sure..
Wait ’til the BIG brush fire! Thanks for making this “sensitive” topic easier to broach Suzanne. Kudos!!
LOL, I can definitely wait for that Didi 🙂
This must really been one of those memorable experience
Yes, I will not be forgetting it anytime soon 🙂
Thanks for sharing your experience!
THanks for reading about it 😉
Just get it done! Your life might depend on it.
Very true…