Three little words that can make a huge impact on someone and potentially be a game changer. Those three little words? I am sorry.
As I sit and type this post I am completely drained. 🙁 Mentally and emotionally I am wiped out. All because of those three little words. This is a feeling I am happy to have and willingly accept as a minor penance for my actions of yesterday. I say minor because I am full of remorse and feel that being sapped of my emotional energy is not nearly enough to convey how deeply I regret my actions.
Yesterday I had a huge argument with my sweet Emily. To tell you the truth I can not even recall what it was all about. We just blew up at each other and being the parent, the law maker, the ruler on high, I asserted my authority. I instantly felt regret as we both watched tears roll down our cheeks, but I could not bring myself to say those three little words. I fully expected her to say them to me, yet I could not open my mouth first. I am not sure when it ever became a rule that parents should not apologize to their children when they do something wrong, but it seemed to slip in there somewhere around the age of three or four. I say that age because we expect our children to learn the meaning of those three little words by then and we hope they will learn to use them without hesitation when the time comes. So why can’t we? Or should I say, why can’t I?
Emily is ten and has had her share of opportunities to say those three little words. Most of the time she is sincere and when she is not it is usually because the anger or pain from the corresponding event is still to fresh to feel empathy for the other person. Emily’s little brother is four and he will apologize most of the time, but he often has to be prompted. Both Emily and William can be stubborn at times ( geez, I wonder where they get that from ), but when the infraction seems to have truly hurt someone, they are both very sincere with their apologies. If this great display of manners were viewed by an outsider they would think that these kid’s parents did a pretty decent job of raising them, right?
I think it is high time I start practicing what I preach. I have told my children that not only should they apologize when they are in the wrong, but that they should also ask forgiveness from the other person. It can be equally as tough to say, “Will you forgive me?” as it is to say those three little words. But, it’s worth it.
With that said, the reason for my emotional roller coaster ride today? Well, that was because I went in search of a card for Emily. We did talk last night and I did say those three little words to her, but it just didn’t feel like enough. As a mom, as Emily’s mama, I have to say that she did me proud when she told me that she accepted my apology and forgave me, but I still felt distressed today. I never want my children to think I don’t love them enough or respect them enough to admit when I am wrong and as great a writer as I can be ( sorry, I couldn’t help it 🙂 ) I needed the help of an eloquently worded card to really let Emily know how I feel. I am pretty sure that the local Rexall staff will be laughing about me for awhile. I had a fistful of cards, tears rolling down my cheeks, when a staff lady asked me if I was okay. And I have to say I was adult enough, no, make that, I acted like my daughter would and I said, ” Yes thank you, I am just trying to find a good way to say I am sorry.”
I love you Emily and I am truly sorry. Please forgive me. Love forever and always, your mama… ♥
FT&PD
Suz
Being a mother can be the hardest thing in the world. This is beautifully written, and I’m wiping a tear because – as the mother of a girl about the same age- I totally get it. I have been there myself, and it’s so hard sometimes. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Kelli, I appreciate the kind words 🙂 Being a mom certainly is a challenge, but so worth it in the long run. I wiped many a tear away even as I wrote this, but it was cathartic and I am happy I could share it with you.
Suz
Yikes! Now I’m all choked up too! Frame that apology, Suzanne! Yes, you are lucky that your children don’t hesitate to apologize when they have misbehaved or have done something wrong. But they also know that you love them very much so the card was an extra special effort to reassure Emily. Nice touch! 🙂 Enjoy the week-end with your little ones and Doug! 🙂
Thank you Gem, it was tough to write. Emily read it today and was emotional to, LOL. She is my child 🙂
Love you guys,
Suz
Sounds like a long day for you, Suzanne. Hope your feeling better now. I am sure that Emily is and she knows that her “Mama” loves her very much. It is hard the first time to say “I am sorry” but if it has to be said again it is easier for all concerned. Have a good weekend with the family. Love ya, Mom
Things are better now Mom and calm has returned to the house 🙂 It is a beautiful day and we are going to try and enjoy it together, as a family.
Love to you and Daddy <3
Suz
Try not to beat yourself up too much…we ALL have those days with our kiddos! It’s wonderful when you can role model for your kids how to make amends after an argument…and will certainly help in their future relationships w/ spouses, etc… It’s healthy for kids to see parents can make mistakes and bounce back from them too. It’s all good life lesson stuff!! You are an AMAZING Mama!! 🙂
Aww, thank you Kim <3 It was a tough day, but we made it through and have even used it in other discussions. My little girl is growing up and becoming more mature! Kind of hard to adjust to, but I hope we are setting the right example 🙂
Suz
Being a mom is so hard and we all have moments like these. Great post!
Thank you for you empathy and kind words 🙂
Suz
Omgosh! I can only imagine how tough that is. It must be so hard to adjust to kids growing so fast. Mine are 2 and 5 and I still don’t know how that happened. Apologizing is a great thing to do. To show your children that hey, even sometimes parents make mistakes.
Very true Jen, we can not be afraid to show them we are human to 🙂
Suz
Oh honey, we have all been there – don’t beat yourself up, something we mothers are so good at! I think it’s amazing that you were so heartfelt in your realization, and learned something big that I’m sure will help you next time. Maybe you set an even bigger example for Emily by showing that we all make mistakes and that we can make amends! You sound like a great mom, Emily is lucky to have you.
thank you for the kind words Dani, I appreciate it and I think you are right about Emily learning an even greater lesson. Growing up is hard…for kids too 🙂
Suz
Awww! I agree – those three words are SO hard to say! I rarely heard my parents say them so I’ll admit I’m not good at them either. Thanks for sharing this, because it’s a reminder to me that I really need to work on this. Hopefully if we can learn to apologize more, then our daughters will learn it easier than we did! 🙂
Thank you for your empathy Bonnie. We certainly do have a lot we can learn and share with our kids..
Suz
What a hard moment for you, as a mother. We all make mistakes and sometimes it isn’t until much after that we realize why we feel so horrible. Saying I’m Sorry is harder as an adult than it has ever been. My boys say I’m sorry all the time, but I know as they get older that is going to become harder and harder for them to do.
Thank you for sharing such a personal story. Hoping tomorrow is a better day.
Kerrie, thank you. I appreciate your kind words and support.
Suz
Being a mom certainly is a challenge,and part of being a mom is having to say we are sorry we are afterall human and we do make mistakes but its taken the time to make it right is what counts.