For awhile the topic of bullying seemed to be the latest thing. Everyone knew someone who had been or was being bullied. The speakers themselves had personal stories to share and every school was sending home flyers about zero tolerance. Then it seemed to slow down a bit and now I hear very little about it. Good thing we have Bullying Awareness Week to bring it back into focus.
I have heard many adults say they survived being taunted and teased in school and they turned out fine, so maybe we should just let things be. Let kids be kids and let them work out problems on their own. I do think that in this age of the Helicopter Parent (defined as: a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children) we tend to hover over our kids just a bit too much; however, when it comes to violence you can never hover too much. Even though, way back in the 20th Century it seemed like kids were taking care of business themselves, I guarantee they had a watchful parent, waiting in the shadows, ready to pounce if their cubs needed them.
Photo courtesy of seekurself.com
Bullying Awareness Week is back again and none too soon. I have talked at length before about seeing my child be bullied and the affects it had on her. It was heartbreaking, but it called us to action. My husband and I did what we were supposed to do and contacted the school first. Things seem to be going along really well and the past year has been a little more tranquil. But recently that changed. Along with that change came the reluctance of my child to share how she was feeling and who may be behind it. I find we are once again thrown into this craziness where we have to go through a process to see what has happened and how we can fix it. It really makes me want to scream! It really makes me want to shout, “What the heck is wrong with kids today? Why are they so mean to one another?“
The answers to those questions will vary, but there is one constant: the presence of social media. This is somewhat hard for me to say as a person who is a social media influencer, but yes, I do think that social media has changed the playing field for kids these days and not for the better. In years past a couple of kids may have a disagreement at school, but by the next day it was forgotten. Fast forward to the 21st Century and that disagreement will be hashed out on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter before dinner time. Then other children chime in with their opinions and they start to pick sides. A small disagreement can turn into an all out war in a matter of hours. With social media we are almost powerless to stop it. Almost…
Over the next week schools will make an effort to talk about bullying and the affects it has on kids. Hopefully the effort is enough, but we really have to take a long hard look at the freedoms our kids have nowadays and see what can be fixed. My children do not have accounts on Facebook or Twitter, but it is not that hard to take a look around these sites if one is inclined. The one social media site my daughter does use is monitored very closely by my husband and I and it will stay that way for a very long time. There is just too much at stake to approach it any differently. The other thing we do is keep the lines of communication open. My daughter knows she can come to us about anything and we emphasize this every chance we get. I am realistic enough to know that this will change over time, but optimistic enough to hope we can grow with it and not against it.
Do yourself and your children a favour this week and start talking. Ask them about the other kids at school and what they do when they have a disagreement. Talk to them about online safety. Stress to your children the importance of being open and honest. Bullying is a tough thing to go through, let alone overcome. Being aware of it and what your kids can do to help you help them will go a long way in keeping your children safe.
Do you have any tips to share for Bullying Awareness Week?
FT&PD
Suz
My best tip is to be aware of your own child, and notice if he or she is a bully–or possibly being bullied. If so, stepping in can do a world of wonders.
We definitely need to be aware of what are kids are up to. We all want to believe our kids wouldn’t be the bully, but you never know.
Thats so true there are lots of bullies and they are someones kids….maybe even ours !
I have to admit I have uttered many times, was I like that as a kid??? I have a hard time understanding the attitudes and the ease that kids have at being mean. But lately I have been seeing the opposite a lot more! Yesterday my son and I took advantage of the nice weather and went to a park. My son quickly found 5 sixth graders playing Grounders and became their shadow. They could not have been kinder!! Over 3 hours, many other older kids joined and left, these 5 stayed. They helped him, taught him the games, unfroze him, even made better choices (as they started to say things would remind each other of little ears!) I was so impressed!! There is hope 🙂
Wow, that is awesome Brandee! I love to hear stories about older kids acting kindly towards the younger ones. They must have some great parents 🙂
Tip: talk to your kids. If you notice a change in behaviour or mood that doesn’t quite add up at home, ask them if there could be something or someone at school. Let them know you have their backs and you will try to work with them, the school, whoever it takes to change things. It’s true kids can be mean but when one child is a daily target of another it’s time to put a stop to it. That’s bullying. Thank you for spreading awareness through your post!
Thank you Alyssa, I appreciate your kind words. I agree that we have to be our kids advocates. We can’t, nor should we, rely on someone else to do the job.
Definitely communication is key. Having open communication with your children and ensuring they feel safe and comfortable coming to you makes a big difference, so that they can talk about what’s going on at school. SO sad the issue with bullying now a days! I’m so happy for the awareness building around it now though 🙂
It is always good to keep the lines of communication open, for sure. I was always able to talk to my mom and it is so important that my kids can do that as well with me. 🙂
You know I have found that since this whole bullying awareness campaign has been going on it seems bullying has increased if you will or maybe it is just that it is in the news and public more I am not sure.
I just wish people would love each other and live in harmony.
I agree AnnMarie. I don’t recall it being like this as a kid, so what happened that makes it so much harder for kids nowadays?
I’m thankful I don’t have to deal with this quite yet. I believe at some point every kid gets bullied in some way, I think as parents it’s important to make it clear that whatever the bully says – is not true. It’s tough though!
I agree Randa, we have to emphasize to our kiddos that just because someone says something hurtful, does not mean it is true. Kids just want acceptance,but if a peer is saying something nasty to get attention or get a rouse from their target that message tends to stick. We have to combat with love and positivity! !
I very much understand this as you know my daughters have both experienced bullying over the years and the recent episode with instagram and my older daughter and the fake account was the worst experience we have had. I know you are right about there was always a parent hovering somewhere because my MOM was there and that was very important. I was bullied a lot and it was scary but scarier now is social media bullying because it is harder to find the person doing the bullying and it can follow you anywhere. That’s the hard thing. Our kids take their phones with them to the bathroom for pete’s sake – that means as much as you want them to have safe spaces in your home if the phone is with them 24/7 you can’t predict when or where they will be a target. Be on top of it as a parent and stay close – that’s your best strategy to keep them safe.
For all the good social media has brought us, it has also brought the bad. I kind of wish for the days before cell phones, LOL.
This is such a hard topic. It’s tough to believe that kids can be so cruel. The sweet daughter of a friend of mine was being bullied at school and was too embarrassed and sad to tell her mom about it. My friend finally found out and has been addressing the issue with the school. This little girl is 9!
My daughter was nine when it started for her to. It is heartbreaking, but thankfully your friend’s daughter finally talked about it. I wish them luck!
Bullying is heartbreaking, I really don’t understand why there’s so much of it around these days. When I went to school it wasn’t like this, sure we’d argue, go off in a huff for a while but in no time we were the best of friends again. I can’t remember one person I didn’t like nor one that was bullied for some reason and we had classes with 50 students in 1st grade, classes were held in corridors etc. Mind this is over 50 yrs ago and there was no such thing as the internet, mobile phones etc, so perhaps that does have a lot to do with it. I was horrified when I realised that my daughter was being bullied at high school. She was suffering from stomach pains every morning through fear! Naturally I went to the school and in the end the solution was to move the bully to another class (her parents could see nothing wrong). It took my daughter a while to recover from this but today she is a happy wife and proud parent herself with a marvellous job. I wonder if the bully is as lucky.
This is such an important topic. It’s important for us to enforce the right type of behaviour and make sure that there is no stigma in telling someone if you are being bullied.
Such a very important subject. I just went through a Bulling incident with my one daughter, the Bully was another girl who gossiped and said alot of mean things over the course of this year..one day a teacher overheard and intervened.. I made contact with the mom and in the end there were hugs and now friends. Her ‘excuse’ was she was being bullied too.. have to stop the cycle!
I think it’s important to talk to our kids about being bullied or being a bully kids are amazing but they need guidance and sometimes encouragement that it is ok to talk about bullying and standing up for others
Definitely! Keeping the lines of communication open is key.
I think to some extent we were all bullies, and all bullied at some point in our childhoods. To a certain degree it is part of growing up, but when it becomes physical, or goes to far and starts to have far reaching consequences it’s got to be tackled. Unfortunately I still don’t have the answers as to how!
I agree it is a part of growing up, but with social media kids (even adults) who may not normally be aggressive can take it to the next level without meaning to. It is a part of the future unfortunately.
talk to your kids every day, make sure they dont feel excluded and regularly discuss issues like bullying. often bullies feel lonely in their own homes
Excellent point and a sad one too. Kids keep so much to themselves that home can often be just as scary as school or other social settings. We have to talk to them to find out and let them know they are not alone.
I tell our girls to try and ignore a lot of the mean kids as they are just looking for attention. But sometimes it just goes to far and they have to tell a parent or teacher.
My tip would definitely keep a line of communication open. My child went through some pretty hard times in middle school but she came to me and we got through it, If she had not come to me i’m not sure I would have known. It wasnt even kids bullying her it was a teacher.
If only we could all live in harmony.
My friend noticed that this year her son is being bullied by 2 girls,they are having a hard time with it.
My son has dealt with kids that have bullied him by name calling,etc. His response was to not respond to the other child but to tell the teacher and the guidance teacher. The child and his parents had a talk with the principal. I was never notified. That day a letter was sent home about not bulling to everyone. Very proud that my son made the right decision. He also knows that he should pray for that other child that say’s hurtful things.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s In the DNA or if it’s hormones that make them all turn from all being friends to being enemies.
Honestly bullying has been around since the beginning of time i believe in one form or another,we just hear about it more because on social media.I think in a lot of cases children learn bullying at home.
With School’s opening again in a few weeks i think we need to talk with our kids about bullying before the year begins.